oof-i-did-it-agaaiiin:

huffylemon:

FOOLS. YOU’RE ALL FOOLS.

brucespringsteendotcom:

Reverse pomodoro technique 5 minutes of work followed by a 25 minute break

duckdotcom:

they’re putting me on the cover of times magazine and also putting a cup over me and there’s even talk of taking me outside

reputayswift:

Halloween stores when Margot Robbie wears a cute outfit in a movie

greelin:

radsee:

greelin:

greelin:

can you imagine if spiders could teleport in real life. i’d kill (remembers i need to stop saying myself because it is a bad habit that i need to break out of) them

literally if that started going down in my apartment it would just be theirs now. i’ll leave. and continue to pay rent for them. they can teleport all they want behind those closed doors

if spiders started teleporting u think closed doors would contain them?

no but i assume they’d accept the kindness in my gesture of paying for their new home & leave me alone personally. whatever they do to anyone else is not my business. they get a free crash pad and i never have to see them again. everyone wins

beaft:

beaft:

allow me to tell you of the grave error i made yesterday. it was 8pm. i was cooking moroccan stew. needed to let it simmer for 25 minutes before i added the chickpeas. i shall go upstairs, thought i, and take a shower, and leave the chickpeas on the counter to drain. puddles the cat is sleeping near the stove. i briefly consider locking her out of the kitchen - but surely even she, leviathan of unconquerable appetites, will not concern herself with hard, drained, uncooked chickpeas. surely not.

with this set-up in mind, what do you imagine i found when i came back downstairs?

i’ll not keep you in suspense.

the moral of this story is never own cats

stuckinapril:

The trick is to do it without shame. Literally anything could be cool if you just did it shamelessly

ltwilliammowett:

Clearing - The Middlesex, by Montague Dawson (1895-1973)

(Source: bonhams.com)

ranboorebrand:

love when hair dye tells me to do a spot test. nah man whatever happens happens